Insecurities

It’s been a while. 

Not sure if I blog for others, or for my own sanity. 

Life has been nothing short of busy lately. It’s hard to believe I’m only 26 sometimes. 

I decided to start blogging again after reading a blog that has gone viral some… It’s about a mom and her insecurities after having two babies. http://minismama.com/2015/10/19/to-my-husband-after-ive-had-babies/

This blog kinda hit home for me. Having been married for almost 5 years, people ask us all the time when we are planning on having babies. There is so much more to just having babies, like feeling a sense of financial stability, the feeling of accomplishing my dream career of being a nurse, and so much more. We definitely feel that we need to plan for this. But it’s not just about that…

But back to that blog, and how it hits close to home… As many of you know, my wonderful husband has recently lost 66 lbs! Super proud of him! I just can’t seem to get into the swing of things when it comes down to getting in shape. It’s so hard! 

Lots of things have changed in my life lately, and I just haven’t been as excited to start my weight loss as I was about 2 months ago… Which brings me to this point: I am incredibly insecure about my appearance. 

You’re probably like… “Then do something about it!” Definitely easier said than done. I remember how I looked and felt when Berto and I first met. I was thinner and just felt better overall. This is my heaviest weight so far. Many people think you should be able to just brush things off and if losing weight is my goal I should just be able to.

I would do anything to go back to the body I had when I thought I was fat. It makes me feel so incredibly insecure just to go shopping for clothes, or put on my clothes and feel like a lard. I know the changes that I need to make, but sometimes it’s easier to not deal with it and have that “I’m already fat so what does it matter” attitude. 

When we consider having children, it’s another reason we are waiting. I know my current weight can lead to some issues if I was to try and get pregnant now in the sense of knowing I will gain weight, and how I currently feel being where I am now. It stresses me out. 

I know the time to make the change is long overdue, so I just ask for prayers and good vibes that I will get into the groove of things again… Not just for appearance, but for a healthier me. This post is not by any means a potty party for myself, but I know I am not the only one dealing with insecurities on a daily basis. I know that for some it may not be their weight, it may be something else. But I know we can all support each other through it. 

On that blog I linked earlier, she mentions how she remembers her body before babies… How she felt about her looks, and how she feels now. And she also thanks her husband for still thinking she’s the sexiest, and prettiest even when she doesn’t see herself that way. In that sense, I can say I truly have been blessed with an amazing husband. He tells me how beautiful I am all the time. And I know I need to learn to love myself, like he loves me.